Funny Quotes About Life Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Funny Quotes About Life Biography

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They say that life is too short, I just wonder who took the measurements.

Start the day off right...On the toilet...Shitting out yesterday's bullshit getting ready to digest today.

Life's like your Ex-boyfriend it has it's up it has it's down but in the end you still finish it.

All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married :

It's funny how you go through the year day by day but nothing changes, then when you look back, everything's different.

My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.

Life is SO much better with whipped cream on top.

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does.

Life isn't a Burger King. You can't always have it your way.

Life is like a box of chocolate's, it doesn't last long for fat people.

Everything good in life is either illegal or fattening.

Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll...or you're taking shit from some asshole.

Faithful Girls Cry The Most.

Remember these two words. They will open up a lot of doors in your life. Push and Pull.

Changing your life is like a diet, most people fail in the first week.

Life is like a midget, try to live it up.

Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to pierce a Capri Sun with an earthworm.

3 Jobs that changed the world: Hand, Blow and Steve.

I just saw a fat guy with a shirt that said: I beat anorexia. Defiantly made my day.

Why cant sluts count to 70? because 69 is a mouthful.

That awkward moment when you drop a coin in front of a homeless person...

Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two Kit-Kats fall out of a vending machine at once.

Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.

Screaming "Your not my real LADDER!" at your Step ladder.

My bed time is at 9:00pm but I go to sleep at 9:01pm...Thug Life.

Where's Kanye West when my parents are giving me a 9376969675949 hour lecture?

You're 13. You were dumped. Your life isn't over.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

Life is a bitch, but mine is a diva.

Funny Quotes About Life Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

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