Daily Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Daily Funny Quotes Biography

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Imagine how clean the world would be if blind people walked with brooms instead of

Roses are red-ish violets are blue-ish. If it werent for Jesus wed all be

If love is blind and marriage is an institution does that make marriage an institution

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill

My wife is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed when she finds out…

Apparently it’s inappropriate to tell homeless people knock knock jokes…

The most inappropriate song to make love to would be “Do the hokey pokey”…..?

Obama? Where is that change you were talking about? I need it for gas…

It doesn’t matter if the cup is half full or half empty,it just means there’s clearly enough room for more alcohol….

Admit it you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.

When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks

I dont have bad handwriting I HAVE MY OWN FONT — Anonymous

Whenever I see hitchhikers I just pretend theyre telling me that Im doing a great

Relationships are like garage sales. From a distance they look interesting but up close its

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money Id just laugh and

Fool me once..Your a jerk. Fool me twice.. I’m a fool. Fool me 3,232 times…You must be my local weatherman.

Do you think strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?

You’d be in good shape if you ran as fast as your mouth.

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the other half telling us to sit down and shut up!

Cholesterol is just a fancy word for flavor

If it’s illegal for athletes to use steroids, then shouldn’t Photoshop be illegal for models?

I think they made popcorn chicken because black people like to go to the movies too

You think Flave-a-Flaves grandfather was named slave-a-slave?

Easter jokes are all about fluffy bunnies and colorful eggs…cause he wants to go to hell for an easter joke?.

Why is the Easter bunny so quite when he’s making love? Cause he has cotton balls..

The cashier girl at Burger King had a black eye… so I ordered really slow cause obviously she doesn’t listen..

I figured out why The Little Mermaid wears seashells…cause she’s not yet ready for D-shells :)

That awkward moment when an officer tells you why he pulled you over and you have donuts in the car

The fact that there is ugly hookers tells you pretty much all you need to know about men.

Sixth cup of coffee…I feel like Mario after he gets one of those bouncing, flashing stars.

Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you

That awkward moment at a feminist picnic when they realize no one made sandwiches.

Nothing more awkward than singing happy birthday to a person whose name you don’t know.

“Come with me if you want to live.” – Great movie line, bad thing to say during sex.

I’ll be a millionaire once I’m done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.

I sure do feel a shitload more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym!

Wanna come over to MySpace and Yahoo my Twitter till I Google on your Facebook?

Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the Internet.

Ever see a movie that touches you so deeply it changes your whole worldview? I just took a shit like that.

There’s a FINE LINE between tan and looking like you were rolled in Dorito

Had my son’s hearing tested because he’s always yelling. Turns out he’s just an asshole :(

The smallest woman can break the biggest man in the world with three little words: Is it in?

SOBER is actually an acronym that stands for: Son Of a Bitch, Everything’s Real

Walmart: because going to Target requires you to take a shower and not wear pajamas…

Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I’ll show you a man who’s trying to sleep with a vegan.

I hate when people say they are “big boned”. Have you ever seen a fat skeleton?

Can I just drop it like it’s lukewarm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.

You think life as a woman is hard? Try peeing with an erection.

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option…

I hate being bi-polar..It’s Awesome!

Expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected expected.

9 out of 10 men prefer big boobs. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men..

My doctor said to lose weight I need to burn calories…so I set a fat kid on fire..

Ladies FYI..Calling a fax machine is the same sound men hear when you yell at them!

There is no angry way to say ‘bubbles.’

I hate when cashiers say, “Is that everything?” Uh no I’d also like all this invisible crap.

When I’m bored, I send a text message to a random number saying, “I hid the body, now what?”

Men are like bank accounts, without alot of money they don’t generate much interest.

They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast this morning..

I wonder if the girls from 16 and pregnant, will come back with a show called 32 and grandma…

My relationship is so perfect, and my boyfriend does this cute thing where he doesn’t exist…

Relationships are like fat people, most of them don’t work out!

I don’t care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert…

Daily Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

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